Throughout the releasing ( all what counts down to the emotional /feelings bagage i have been dealing with ), is related hugely with money issues. And it still is, tho i had first a gain about relationship issues i haven´t dealing with it as mutch as monetary things.
Today while reading a book and letting those whatever sensations poped up to go. I just stoped on one thing .. a story " A person, has worked in one company a yeara, good worker etc.. But since the company has hard times he/she is layd off together with others. So he / She lost all the income what should give security. Security to live, to have food to even be able to suppost family. Loans, children, pets etc.. in one word no security what will happen from now on... " .
This story made me think.. how mutch of us rely on outer security. This what has been taught to us by parents , by society and so on.
We rely to others to get the feeling being secure. But others can´t give us that secure feeling, yest they can give us a glimpse of it.. but does it last. NO.. the very moment when the person or thing is gone we are unsecure.. we feel lost .. we lose interest and the vicious circle starts again.
We start looking all that again from others, and would not stop till we find it and lose again.
When did we lost that sence of security what comes within.. why we lost it? I do not know , but this all seems so damn stupid. Can i gain it back? Can i gain me as who i rally am back without need of others? That others are just like cherry on the top of cake.. but all what i really need is I who is here there no matter what others have to offer...
I am tired of that all really i am.. how long it will last.. how mutch i need to push myself to let this all go and just be.Can i still then be able to try out things what i get interested of.. it is too mutch.