wanting to change and resistance

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by GP Walsh on August 3, 2010 at 9:11pm

Some things do take longer than others. I would recommend a couple of things.

One is don't spend an hour or two a day on it and don't do it to the exclusion of everything else. You are actually inflating it by treating it as if it has to go before your life can move forward. It makes it almost godlike.

Work on setting and achieving goals, even if this problem persists. Don't allow it to become the driving force. Put it into perspective. Work on it for a bit then drop it and move on. This may seem difficult at first, especially if it is a chronic physical malady but you will eventually diminish it.

From another perspective, that is admittedly not part of the Method... Of course you want to get rid of it. No one wants to suffer. But nothing happens within the system by accident. Ask the condition "What are you trying to tell me?" The trapped energy you are trying to release could have come from a traumatic experience (actually it almost certainly did) and that energy needs to resolve itself. Let it!

Give it permission, even validation to be there. It is not an enemy. It is actually your friend. Give it your approval and ask it what it is you need to do for it.Consciously choose to not be obsessed with getting rid of it and instead move towards it with love and compassion. Act like you don't want to get rid of it and instead listen to it, the way you would listen to a distressed child.

The problem you are experiencing is actually a traumatized part of yourself that needs to be embraced, healed and integrated.

Permalink Reply by Chuck Goodwin, [SMaRT Host] on August 4, 2010 at 1:15am

Hi, Paul.

I have a standing offer to people on Hootless, who have not already worked with me, of one free hour of coaching. You seem to be saying you're stuck. I seem to have a knack for getting people unstuck. No guarantees, but if you'd like to give it a try, I'd be happy to accomodate you, like I have others here.

Also want to be sure you know about the weekly support calls on Hootless, Sundays at 9 PM GMT, 4 PM US eastern time. They're usually hosted by a coach trained by Hale Dwoskin so you should be able to get help there as well. It may also be helpful for you to listen to the previous calls in the suppport call archive.

You can contact me through my profile page here on Hootless or at Chuck@ChucksCoaching.com.

Permalink Reply by Mário [Hootless Crew] on August 4, 2010 at 7:41pm

Yes, there's an end. It ends when the "source" is released directly or indirectly. What is the source? The real source is wanting to identify with being a body-mind. You drop this, you drop the root of everything because all "issues" are for the mind-body. My body has headaches sometimes. Does it affect you? No, because you are not identified with being my body-mind. But if it is in your body and mind, then you might care about it. But, this is the basic releasing group, and it is not expected that we can just drop this root, not even in the extreme-ultra-advanced list :) When I drop it for good, I tell you. I am just saying this to answer your question "is there an end I could expect while letting go of wanting to change and of resistance? ". You see, the answer is "Yes, and when you have zero resistance, you are Free just like Lester". and that is according to Lester. Do you have a better perspective on "eliminating all resistance" now? That is just the final goal you are asking about.
What about resistance to your issue? "Or should I proceed until I am clear of that and then move to attachments and aversions?"

I would move on to Att & Av, no reason to wait. Larry recommends you work on a goal for 2 weeks and, if still stuck, you do A&Av to having (and not having) the goal. I don't really wait for the 2 weeks if I see the same thought or feeling repeating itself while doing the Goal Chart. The end of resisting your issue is when you are complete with Att and Aversions. This takes less time than releasing all resistance. There is a third category of programs that are a bit stickier, and you may have it or not, but for those there is the "Programs Course".

Permalink Reply by Tom Verbroekken on August 5, 2010 at 7:27pm

Let's keep it simple, Paul.

If the same things are coming to the surface over and over again, you are - either consciously or subconsciously - unwilling to deal with what is coming to the surface. This leads to you supressing it, and thus it keeps on coming up over and over again.

Are you willing to face it, once and for all, and be done with it? Instead of pushing it down and saying "Shoot, look at what is coming up" (as Larry Crane so often says) and saying "NO" to it.. say "YES" to it instead. Welcome it as best as you can, and just for now.

Also, if you are using releasing to "get rid of" things, you have just stepped into the biggest mind trap there is. Releasing to get rid of things keeps you stuck in a cycle of wanting to get rid of things, since you are into wanting. What is wanting?

Want = lack.

Let go of wanting to get rid of it. Welcome it. Say yes to it. Let go of wanting to change the stuckness(Step 5 of the 6 Steps), and make sure it is ALL gone before you continue releasing on anything else. Why? Otherwise your mind keeps you in "wanting to get rid of it" mode, which has helped you...zero...so far.

And I have one recommendation for you. Be sure to read this topic on the SMART START forum:

http://sedonamethod.ning.com/group/SMARTSTART/forum/topics/letting-go

Read my response to Lisa's initial post, because I have a feeling you are using Releasing to escape your feelings instead of fully welcoming and then releasing them. Releasing is to first welcome whatever is present, and then let it go. Stop using releasing as an escape, to get rid of things. You are never getting rid of things, you are releasing them. That is a really big difference, even if the words seem similar.

You can witness this in both Hale's and Larry's courses. Hale asks you to welcome first, Larry tells you to allow the feelings to come up. In big, bold letters in Larry's Goals & Resistance course it says:

"WELCOME ALL FEELINGS"

This is true for all releasing - it starts with welcoming, and ends with letting go.