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assistance with stuckness, please!

As the holidays come on I am finding myself alternating between emotional overload and stuckness. Stuckness (with wanting oneness and control) is self inflicted; emotional overload (wanting to be safe) cycle around and around. I've been attending calls and listening to archived calls and it helps.

At core, "I won't" give up attachment to something I want a lot. I am also willing to do the work as this finally feels destructive - to self and others.

I do love... and I block that with these feelings.

A few suggestions that I can apply one at a time would be helpful. I feel very alone even when I am not. That's not the love I can be.

Thoughts please?

Love, K

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Permalink Reply by Lisa [Hootless Crew] on December 4, 2011 at 4:43pm

Hey Kathy, glad the calls are helping....good to hear and always nice to have your presence on the calls...

I found that using the special clean up on anything and everything helps with such things. I often mention that I used it each day for a month at one point like a daily process without any expectation and it did shift things in many areas where I didn't even know I was stuck....

I started off on all the people around me and then used it for things such as money, my home, even headaches....wherever my attention was that day in other words....the funniest one was my horse came up one day so I even did the process on him...too funny!

Did your horse try to control you or did it feel that way?

Did you try to control your horse? .... and so on....

Could you now grant your horse the right to be exactly as he is?...You get the idea

The full version is in the SM book on page 233. It is on Hale and Larrys basic audio courses too.

It is for me one of the most powerful tools within the Method to have and was originally designed for instructors to clean up around course participants so they could remain neutral even if someone was stirring them up....

Actually...thanks to you starting this thread, I am going to run it each day for December and see what happens....Maybe a few of us can join in and discuss any opening or shifts....see what you think.

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Permalink Reply by Zannie Rose on December 4, 2011 at 5:49pm

yes, that sounds like a useful project for December- what would it take for it to be effortless fun?

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Permalink Reply by Kathy Bowman on December 4, 2011 at 5:57pm

Zannie... the effortless fun question is great!
And... I have tucked the Hale CD with the goals process in my computer CD drive. So... for December each day I'm going to listen to that and play with both.

Interesting gain - last night I did the goals process on something I want someone else to do! ha! and then switched it to a goal of loving without effort or blocks. That released pretty well. Then suddenly, though I'd stepped away from the computer... I KNEW I had a very nice e-mail from the person that I had control issues with... and I did - in that moment. Normally I would write right back but decided I can give space and not initiate the control feelings. Loving without blocks isn't about control.

so... a clean up December it is.

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Permalink Reply by Zannie Rose on December 5, 2011 at 6:49am

Kathy - wonderful!

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Permalink Reply by liiloo on December 5, 2011 at 10:09pm

would be joining up i assume :D . nothing to loose cause all is lost anyway :D

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Permalink Reply by Kathy Bowman on January 13, 2012 at 10:20pm

revisiting this issue today - I see progress in "redefining" the stuck situation - and still doing things that keep myself stuck, too. an interesting challenge today came up in a very nice book recommended to me called "Making a Change for Good - A Guide to Compassionate Self Discipline" which has some zen bits too it - plus a 30 day "self retreat" to be used for making small steps in redefining "discipline" and "self love". Today's exercise involves reconnecting with feeling unconditional love - which I have - but really, really really don't want to.

Doing it gently, anyway.

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Permalink Reply by Mário [Hootless Crew] on January 19, 2012 at 10:02pm

The most straightforward way to handle that is step 5, let go of wanting to control the stuckness. Sometimes there is an issue that happens when you do Step 5:your mind tells you "it's not working" and "it's going nowhere" "You need something else, step 5 isn't enough for THIS stuckness" and you believe it (falling for its manipulation) and you break your momentum (which is the goal of the mind when it tells you that). It requires a strong decision not only to keep releasing the WC, but also to choose to see everything that the mind tells you while you are releasing as coming from the Wants (Step 3) and release it, instead of thinking there might be some truth there. Nothing the mind tells you while you are releasing is supposed to be heard, or much worse, believed. They are to be seen as the next thing to be released. So, a good thing in the beginning is to decide to allocate a time slot, 20-30 minutes to 1 hour for instance, to only release the WC the stuckness and the garbage the mind says. You give a number to the stuckness from zero to 10, release for the allocated time, then check to see how much stuckness is there if there's some.

If you don't move at all, do A&A to being stuck, or to being stuck about <insert what do you feel stuck about>. I wouldn't really recommend doing this as normal practice forever, this is just a "training wheel" until you know 100% that step 5 really works to release stuckness, but it might take time or not, and develop the most important skill of not identifying with what the mind says. The mind is your friend, but only in the sense that it tells you everything you should release, which is 100% of what it says that is not a result of a pure "database search", like "What's my name?" or "What's my address?". It gives you the correct answer IF it is something that was previously stored there as information.

However, to be 100% honest, if releasing is moving slowly sometimes what I do is just change to another tool to release the stuckness and then go back to releasing. The mind is not stupid, it gets used to a way of undoing it and sometimes just changing to a different tool or a different way of releasing does the trick.

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Permalink Reply by Mário [Hootless Crew] on January 19, 2012 at 10:08pm

I realized I didn't consider new releasers in my answer, but Step 5 doesn't mean asking "Could I let go of wanting to control/change the stuckness?" only, but also "Could I allow the stuckness to be there and give it a lot of love and approval, as if it is a cute puppy?". Just to be clear.